supernatural-tardis:

i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

pagingme:

can i make a bible out of this man’s tweets

hotboyproblems:

there is literally under 3 months until 2015 and that makes me really scared because all i have done is watch t.v shows the whole time

mikalhvi:

gentlemanbones:

"What is that, some kind of stone, like a heating stone? An odd pattern, it kind of looks like—

…Oh.”

is that a goddamn condom full of spaghetti

thesubbburbs:

Probably the worst types of people are the ones that shut you down to make themselves look cooler than you, for example if you get excited and squeal and they’re like “woah what was that..” or if you talk loudly because you’re passionate about something and they say “relax dude wow” and then give a look… Like fuck off stop trying to act so cool and collected. You don’t seem more mature you just seem fucking boring and monotonously placid.

ah-shiyt:

dan-will-make-you-howell:

splantamello:

hotaimee:

thiscorpsofbrothers:

splantamello:

hydrogyne:

cute things to call your girlfriend:

  1. sugar
  2. honey
  3. flour
  4. egg
  5. salt

6. 1 tbs of butter

7. stir thoroughly

8. pour into baking pan

9. we forgot to preheat the oven to 375

why would we have to preheat her if she’s already hot

you smooth fucker

thecrimsonalchemist:

thecrimsonalchemist:

apparently daddy long legs are called ‘harvestman’ in other parts of the world

what are they harvesting?????

image

image

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put-him-in-custardy:

this is how Parks and Recreation explained Chris Pratt’s weight loss for Guardians of the Galaxy 

liquidglue:

when u forget ur on post limit and u try to reblog something

image

dragonsandcatporn:

sagaciouscejai:

mamasam:

Rum. Goldschlager. Gin. Vodka.

Only the avatar, master of all four alcohols, could get this shit cranked.

but when the party needed him most, he got sober.

and everything changed when the stoner nation attacked

cradily:

drakeovograham:

Do y’all know how fucking sad this makes me? leave people alone. This literally made me cry. FUCKING LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE?! I hate this world. Too fucked up, even for me

you guys!!!!!!! this turned out to be a nice story for once!!!!! so many people were saying nice things about her that she ended up makin an instagram just to see them!!!

wholetjackdrive:

pancakereport:

thinkingupblognamesishard:

newandclassicemo:

A high school banned the marching band from playing Fall Out Boy songs because the lyrics were suggestive.

A marching band

Isn’t allowed to play Fall Out Boy 

Because of suggestive lyrics

Marching bands are instrumental

The High School Band Can’t Play Fall Out Boy Songs Because The Lyrics Are Suggestive by Panic! At The Disco.

TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

this whole post is an emo train wreck and i love it

pansysky:

spookytox:

reaill:

grimfemme:

I just wanted to eat breakfast ;(

welp now we know the distinction between the two

Have….have people…not eaten shredded wheat before? The regular sized ones?

You put it in a bowl and pour milk on it (with sugar + cinnamon if you’re not some lunatic fiber satan who just wants to eat wheat strings) and let it soak a bit before breaking it up and eating bite sized portions with your spoon.

DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!

NONE OF US KNEW THAT

Thats also how you eat weet-bix, minus the cinnamon